little miss may

By special request of Cocka Doodle and not-so-popular demand of the others, my next fact is still sleep-related, this time on what I wear to sleep… or don’t!

No, I don’t go for those single-pieced nightie nor sexy silk lingerie. Too much fluff for a good night’s sleep. As a teen I used to wear those one-piece sleep wear, made from cotton t-shirt material. The stretchy kind. After awhile, I got tired of the nightie riding up my thighs as I twisted and turned in my slumber, getting all bunched up at… ahem. I think I shall stop there. Ladies who wear nightgowns would know what I mean, and if you don’t, am I the only one who had that problem?

Anyway…

These days I have a craze for pyjamas. Not the full set, but the bottom pants, made from shirt-cotton material. I have an array of them, more than I need, to be honest! I can’t seem to stop gushing over cute bottoms whenever I visit the lounge wear section at the department stores. I particularly like striped pants, either 3/4 or full in length. Not shorts. In case I kick off my duvet on a warm night, my legs still have a layer of ‘protection’ from those nasty mosquitoes.

For the top, a simple sleeveless or spaghetti-strap cotton top will do. Colour coordinated where possible, of course! I don’t wear t-shirts to sleep because of the restricted arm movement at the sleeves. But if I travel and pyjamas just aren’t practical to lug around, A baggy tee works just as fine, with shorts that I could use as spare day-wear.

And what does the full ensemble look like? Here you go… A very recent photo from our Co’s getaway trip to Pangkor. Our annual dinner was themed Pyjama Party, hence the snoozy getup! It isn’t hard to spot me, just look for the right bottom, and the pillow is a dead giveaway… ha-ha!!

So if I ever happen to sleep over at your place for some ‘emergency’ reason or another, no need to dress me up with fancy, lacy lingerie. A pair of cotton boxers and big tee would do nicely, thank you. Nude nights are prohibited. With exception, of course…

zzz… ZZZ… zzz…

Hot on LB’s heels about his Intimate Sofa Attachment syndrome, here’s another fact about Little Miss May — I love hugging a pillow to sleep.

Nuh-uh, I don’t like bolsters. I’ve given up on them a long, long time ago when I was still a teenager. Why, you ask? Well, I don’t know myself, really. Maybe it’s the thought of looking rather like a laan funn little kid with one leg humped over a cylindrical-shaped cushion that just didn’t catch my fancy. Either way, they aren’t my thing.

There’s something about hugging a nice, comfy pillow while dozing off. I would lie down on my side — left or right, it doesn’t matter, but lately I seem to favour my right — and tuck a pillow under my chin while wrapping my arms around it. I often wear out my huggie pillow out faster than the one I rest my head on, by twisting and moulding it into a shape that fits snugly between my chin and shoulder. Sorta like resting my head on a nice firm shoulder for that warm fuzzy feeling.

See that yellow-and-blue checkered one? That’s a newly bought Ikea GOSA MINI which keeps me cosy at night. It replaced an older Ikea pillow (same GOSA, but somehow smaller in size) which had a much better, more firm filling with cotton skin rather than this polyester fibre-filled softie. Oh well, it’ll have to do till it gets all balled up and out of shape (which I hope is going to be soon, so I could get another replacement!).

I could do without hugging a pillow to sleep, if there’s no choice in that matter. Lugging a 51 x 66 cm piece of “equipment” for camp isn’t quite practical. Incidentally in those cases, when I need a little comfort, I’d hug my soft jacket to sleep instead, ha-ha!

Of course, I could always hug one of my woofs to sleep, but I dislike hugging a plush toy for too long a time. It gets too warm somehow. Maybe it’s the synthetic material of which the “fur” is made of. Anyhow, I wouldn’t want to be coughing up hair balls in the morning, so these woofs are kept safely away from my night grip.

I wouldn’t mind snuggling up in a nook of another shoulder too. A nice, meaty one. Now, there’s a sweet spot! Any volunteers?

What’s your security blanket when you sleep?

Almost paradise
We’re knocking on heaven’s door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more
I swear that I could see forever
In your eyes
Paradise

~ Almost Paradise ~
Anne Wilson & Mike Reno (”Footloose” Soundtrack, 1984)

I’m finding it hard to write about my weekend getaway to Pangkor; the words aren’t flowing quite right. There are things I want to say, yet they’re coming out in disjointed sentences rather than a story. The more I try to join them into a coherent paragraph, the more the post begins to sound rather ridiculous! So instead of digging my brains out for filler words, I’ll just dump all those sentences here in points. Easy reading too, huh?

…It was a good weekend getaway, despite receiving 2 work-related calls on the journey there and back. I left my PDA and Mackie behind; the less gadgets, the better. Only my phone, camera and iPod made it to the list. Was that still one too many?

…I lost my earring at Lumut while walking to KFC for a quick lunch on Friday. It’s one side of the diamond pair my Mom gave to me for my birthday last year. It wasn’t how much it cost, but how sentimental it was, that made me sad for losing it. Mom wasn’t upset when I told her, but it didn’t make me feel any better… *sigh*

…Mostly sunny-sky mornings, and cloudy afternoons right through to the evenings. It rained on the second day whilst we were having our team building session (thank goodness for that, so it wasn’t exactly a day wasted).

…The third day was the best. A day under the sun, wading in the sea, walking along the beach, relaxing in the pool till the sky began to cloud over around noon. Being in sea water reminded me of my scuba diving days.

…The best time I had was when I spent 2 hours on the beach reading a book, listening to soothing tunes on my iPod, and watching the world go by. Snoozed a little too, with a slight breeze blowing. The sky was painted a dusky orange, and remained that colour for the longest time.

…I can’t quite describe how it felt lying there on that lounge chair. Blissful, calm, tranquil, reflective, contented, happy in the moment, perhaps a little wistful… soaking in the moments as they pass by.

Ok then, fun’s over. Time to face the world again, with a somewhat refreshed mind, rested body, and hopefully enough stamina to last till the next long break.

February seems so far away…

It’s not been good.

I haven’t been feeling very happy with myself these past few weeks, partly because of work pressure, partly due to matters close to the heart. Usually I’m able to keep both at bay in separate compounds like dogs on leashes. Unfortunately a couple of them had gnawed through the ropes and ran amok for a bit.

Last night the team and I stayed overnight in the office rushing for deliverables for a client, which we know we’ll never finish on time. We were doing patchwork of things to be shown and hiding what’s incomplete. Or rather, my colleagues were doing most of the development work while I, having no particular skill in design or programming, could only cheer them on from the sidelines with virtual pom-poms and guiding them where necessary.

Being in my position as lead, I have certain responsibilities to the Co and the client. Cutting a long story short, pressure is put to perform better, think faster, decide wiser, and manage expectations above all the hustle and bustle. I certainly wasn’t in the right frame of mind that night for all that. It got to a point of feeling quite helpless and useless, unable to do anything much to help the team, and that’s when the emotional dogs attacked.

The built-up pressure was so immense that I couldn’t take it anymore.

I got home this morning, 7.30 a.m. and broke down in the shower. I felt the stress, the worries, the insecurity, the helplessness flow with the water. Mentally and emotionally exhausted. And I still had a grueling 2-hour presentation at 10 a.m. which I certainly didn’t look forward to. But work was work, and after having a good cry and cleaned up, the show went on.

Looks like our looking forward to a break this weekend was short-lived after all. Because of unfinished (and now additional after the presentation) work and a final deadline, we’d have to work long hours tomorrow, and return much earlier than the others on Monday and continue. Might even have to haul a laptop or two and get some work done in the hotel room. We couldn’t get a reasonable time extension from the client to get things done on a more steady pace. There goes paradise found.

I felt — and still feel — like I’ve let me team down for not leading well, and for having their holiday cut short and ruined. Shit like that happens, sure, but this time it’s unusually overwhelming.

I realised something that morning.

I couldn’t keep my personal demons detached from my work emotions, got them mixed up, and couldn’t tell the difference between what was professional and what was personal stress anymore.

Perhaps my weakness was in the lack of personal emotional strength. I used to be able to hold it up, a 40-hour work day without breaking points such as this one. Where did it go? Are emotions harder to control as we get older? Could it have been handled better if I’d made a heavy decision to put my personal issue to rest for good, before it got out of hand? Maybe I’m not cut out to be in the position that I am in the Co. Am I better off just being middle management and not move up the ranks? I guess that’s one issue I have to resolve, slowly but surely.

I had to borrow strength from my “online visitors” that night to stop the dam from breaking. I almost desperately searched and waited for anyone who’d pop by and say hello. A big Thank You to all who kept me company that night with your messages over YM. You mightn’t have known it, but it kept things in check for me and helped me stay sane till I got home.

Just when I needed you most.

Excuse me while I go on a paranoia binge and a break.

Don’t worry, I won’t be gone too long.

I just need to sort out some work and personal monsters matters. Look for some missing pieces. And go on that trip.

Ta-ta, be good, and keep my blog company till then, ok?

See you soon!

* H U G S *

Love ya.