little miss may

It was a Friday night. Time to let our hair down, de-stress and paint the town red!

JoMel and I had a date to keep with her friend, Seng Yau and our “boyfriend”, AhTak! We went to Oriental Cravings at 1 Utama for a simply scrumptious meal of dong poh yoke (stewed pork), kum heong chicken, belacan kangkung and tofu. We walked away with 4 very satisfied tummies filled to the brim.

We wandered around 1 Utama after that — MacAsia, Nike, Adidas, even Bata — until we popped up to GSC to see what’s on. The guys wanted to watch a horror movie; we girls were undecided. Flipped a coin to see if we were going to watch Dragon Tiger Gate or Lady in the Water, and though it ended up being the kungfu flick, we still weren’t all that enthusiastic, since we didn’t really want to watch a movie!

Our restlessness took us to Checker’s Pub at Sri Hartamas, owned by a friend of mine, Adrian who also happened to be my ex-colleague. There were a lot of familiar faces there from my ex-co: Azli (a.k.a. Ikan) Prem, Nik, Yunus, even Beefcake turned up much later to JoMel’s delight, since she’s been asking about him all night long!

JoMel and I were “superstars” that night — the band invited us to accompany them in a song with a pair of shakers and triangle, ha-ha! Were we happening or what?! We danced, we grooved, we were such cam-whores until Ikan actually went to grab Prem’s camera from the car so that AhTak could take even more pictures of us… we were so the fatt hau!!!

Ahh… I’m still suffering from lack of sleep from last night, but hey…

Don’t stop me now
I’m having such a good time
I’m having a ball
Don’t stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don’t stop me now (’Cause I’m having a good time)
Don’t stop me now (Yes I’m having a good time)
I don’t want to stop at all

It’s Round 2 tonight!

Whee!

Enough.

Since when have I become a pushover?

I’ve been nice.

I’ve been accommodating.

I’ve been nonchalant.

I’ve been generous.

But I’ve not been given the kind of respect I deserve.

I’ve not been treated with equal amount of benevolence.

In fact, I feel like I’ve been taken for granted.

As if it’s convenient if I’m there, too bad if I’m not.

As if I’m to be blamed for things that did or did not happen.

Tosh!!

What rubbish is that?

I deserve better than this.

I deserve to be treated fairly.

I deserve to be respected.

I deserve to be embraced.

I deserve to be loved, goddamnit.

And I’m bloody well worth it.

Pah!!!

Yes, it’s the excuse of being really busy at work these days. Well, there’s truth in that, it’s been a hectic July, running around like a headless chicken trying to put out fires in my projects. I looked at the number of posts I had this month, and I’m shocked that I’ve only posted 10, inclusive of this one. Goodness! I didn’t know it was that bad.

I’d experienced some bad backache lately, and I think it’s too much sitting down with a bad posture at work. I’d hunch over and grumpily type out mail after mail, instruction after instruction, reply after reply at my desk. A break for lunch and trips to the loo are definitely forms of relief (in a different sense), and then it’s back to slouching again. Even sitting up straight doesn’t help sometimes; my back gets even more tired. Seated twists to the left and right eases the pressure every once in awhile.

The past few days have been better; the fire is half put out at work, though there are still a few battles to be fought with both professional and personal demons. Time spent with friends after that is a real blessing; the company has been great, the food deliciously divine, the fun times memorable. I enjoyed the Starbuck-ing days and nights, impromptu breakfasts and dinners, cam-whoring moments, melodious laughter and singing our hearts out with good friends.

Despite the late night activities, lack of sleep and “packed” schedules, tiring me out even on weekends, it’s keeping me alive. Not as in “dead or alive” sense, but in a “sane and happy alive” way. It gives me something to look forward to and makes stress at work less exhausting.

For this, my dears, I thank you for making the past few weeks more bearable. Crazy days at work aren’t over yet, but with all of you around, it doesn’t seem so ominous. Here’s to more wonderful times to keep me (and you) happily sane!

Date: Friday, July 21st, 2006
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Venue: Dave’s, 1 Utama, Bandar Utama

Honoured Guests: JoMel, King’s Wife, Poison, Angel, AhTak, L B, Cocka Doodle (and LittleMissMay, of course)

Lots of laughter, lots of fun, lots of cam-whoring, lots of chatter, lots of singing, lots of posing, lots of food, lots of orgasms, lots of zhap, lots of laaaammmm, lots of giggles, lots of swooning…

* * *

Date: Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
Time: 11:30 a.m.
Venue: Ho Choon Tuck, Damansara Utama (Uptown area, opposite Alliance Bank)

Honoured Guests: JoMel, L B, Cocka Doodle (and me too)

Lots more orgasms, lots more dimsum, lots more lormaikai, lots more photos, lots more yakking, lots more Starbuck-ing after, lots more instant messaging, lots more apple zhap, lots more wet toes…

There’s a reason why it’s called a secret.

Otherwise, it wouldn’t be part of our vocabulary, nor exist in dictionaries.

We all have secrets, you and I. Sometimes they’re things which won’t make any difference to anyone, they’re just the little bits of your own personal life which are best kept under covers. Who wants to know if you have a zit on your butt, anyway? (Not that I have any, of course. It was hypothetically speaking.)

Then there are those who affect another individual. Or a group of individuals. Those are the secrets which sometimes complicate things. Or clear up misunderstandings and suspicious minds.

They say that “what you don’t know won’t hurt you.” I have friend who blogged about a similar topic some time ago, but more in the angle of “is it a lie or is it out of kindness if one omits telling you certain parts of a story?”. Mine asks if the secret should be re-told, considering a certain set of circumstances.

There’s the age old dilemma — a few dilemmas, actually — of, if you were told a secret…

• Would you tell that secret to someone, if he or she asks, assuming that the secret had nothing to do with that person?
• Would you tell that secret to someone, if he or she doesn’t ask, but it had something to do with that person?
• Would you tell that secret to someone, if he or she doesn’t ask, but it had something to do with another individual which affects you?
• Would you tell that secret to someone, if he or she asks, which had something to do with another individual, but by telling so it would change his or her perception on things, be it good or bad?
• Would you tell that secret to someone, if he or she doesn’t ask, but it clears your conscience and helps the other understand the situation better, be it good or bad?

And the list goes on…
and on…
and on.

So when is it ok to re-tell a secret entrusted to you, to someone else? Of course, it it’s an absolute life-or-death situation, then that would be an exception to the rule. But in all other circumstances, in all other situations, be it for your own good or the other person’s…

Would you tell?

Perhaps I’m going somewhere with this post, perhaps I’m not. My conscience had been put through many tests, struggling to balance between being the good cop (when telling the secret is for the benefit of another) and bad cop (when doing so will just bring on more misery and animosity). It’s especially hard when the secret affects myself and what might be after the cat is out of the bag.

I’m a cursed goody-two-shoes. I don’t kiss and tell. Even if you were Superman.

What good would it be if it kills my conscience and laden my heart with guilt? Especially when the secret had been told to me in confidence when no one else knows about it. Even if it means turning me into a hero and the other person the villain.

If someone could confide in you in something, there’s one single thing that holds it all together — Trust.

It’s hard enough as it is to earn someone’s trust. I’m not about to break it.

Did this post sound very self-righteous?

Heck if it did.

I just wanted you to know that you can trust me.

Then, now, and always.