little miss may

Hey you…Yes, you.

Are you one of those who look at other people’s monitors or laptop screens when you pass them by from behind? Or when you go and speak to them on some matter, do you sneak a peek at what application window’s open?

We all do our little private things at work. Instant messaging, online banking, online shopping, blogging, personal e-mail writing, photo viewing, etc. I doubt there’s anyone in the world who wouldn’t do anything non-work related during work hours. Unless of course, you really don’t have the time to do your own stuff, and your tech administrator has barred the non-work related sites you frequent. Or if you’re really anal about it and work is work, play is play, keeping both separate. Otherwise, it’s acceptable to do your own little things once in awhile when you have the few minutes to spare. Of course, there shouldn’t be any abuse of it either (like when the whole office is rushing to get a proposal out, deadline’s at 5PM, you have 80% more of your portion to go and… You blog). That’s just asking for trouble.

Anyway, back to the topic. Do you, or do you not, peek at your colleague’s screen (whether intentionally or not)?

I admit, once in awhile, my eyes would do a sweep across the screen, then I’d avert my gaze with embarrassment if I spot something I shouldn’t have seen. I know I’d feel that my privacy’s invaded if someone stared at what I was typing if it’s not meant for him / her to read. Unless of course, I’ve nothing to hide and left my screen wide open for everyone to look-see (what, are you mad??).

I’ve got used to curious eyes looking at what’s keeping me glued to my screen, and these days I can’t be bothered hiding my nonsense chat screens or browsers with Amazon.com and some blog I’m reading in the background. But there are times when I’m uncomfortable with it when it just so happens that someone’s having a private chat with me about problems and a sensitive phrase or two catches a passer-by’s eye, or a little paranoid when I do a quick bill payment online and someone would see how much (or little) money I have in my bank account.

It’s such a human instinct, isn’t it - curiosity. It always gets the better of us. Quite embarrassing, upsetting even, for the exposed party to realise they’ve been “compromised”. Or when they fall prey to an online “crush meter” hoax sent as a joke (sorry Zed, not meaning to rant on you, it was quite funny as an afterthought, heheh!). Or when even having the computer “locked” with Ctrl+Alt+Del, yet have people use your computer without permission if they happen to know the password (as in the case for Binx. Ok, this one’s another matter but it touches on privacy and I thought it quite unfortunate for it to happen).

Eh, I’m posting out of context again. Apologies… *ahem*.

Thus it comes to (the original) question - when is it ok to look at someone’s screen? Never? Even if you didn’t mean to look at their opened chat windows and see whom they’re talking to? Or catch a glimpse of what they’re purchasing online on eBay?

I guess there’s no answer to this. We’ll always be curious beings. We’ll always have roaming eyes with an instinct to kepoh at everything we see. But be respectful of what had your eyes had feasted upon, and don’t use it against that person. It’s just not morally right. Curiosity is one thing, but blackmail is another.

Moral of the story is:
If you don’t want anyone looking at things they’re not supposed to be looking at, intentionally or unintentionally, don’t do it out in the open. You’re just asking for it, kan.

And if you do, be prepared for a few sneak peeks every now and then by passers-by. You shouldn’t be upset by it if you know it’s going to happen anyway. Why hide if you want to risk exposing your deepest, darkest secret at work, of all places?

And shame on you if you intentionally snooped around… *PIAK*!

Nice hor, nice nor, nice hor!

My first attempt at baking sticky date pudding. (Ice-cream buy one lah.)

Actually I baked this on Sunday, but I merajuk (sulk) a bit so didn’t post about it till today.

Why merajuk lah?

Because no one was home to taste it while it was nice and hot, fresh from the oven. Humph. My parents more happening than me, went out to some open house get-together, left me alone at home to jaga rumah. My brother gone dunno where, every weekend also gone dunno where one lah.

So left me alone lor. Whole day at home make pudding and watch TV. So the happening.

But nevermind, today mama ate my sticky date pudding, said very the nice. Now happy a bit, can post about it.

Next week maybe make bagels. See recipe damn cow hard to make but still crave for it sometimes, so got to make anyway. If buy from Cold Storage, wahhhh… so the expensive, RM19.99 for a frozen pack of 4. Frozen! Not even fresh! Gila want to sell so expensive where got people want to buy one? (Except maybe the really rich lah.)If like that I make my own bagels, maybe sell them for RM15.00 per fresh pack of 4, I think maybe make money also, ha-ha! But if damn cow hard to make, keep for myself better… *nyeh nyeh*!

Technorati: food, recipes

This morning, bimbo (that’s me) went ber-biking with friends Eric (macho man), Veron and Mel (the chics) at FRIM. Wah, long time no go there! The last time I pedalled through that reserve was… when ah? Got more than one and half months ago leh, beginning of October. Today first time do so much exercise, I so the gung-ho, hor?

Was slightly late there lor, forgot how to pack my bike into my little car already, took so long time. Take out front wheel lah, put down back seat lah, lay out ground sheet for bike lah, mah-fan a bit. What to do, spend money on expensive gadgets and holidays, no dough to buy proper bike rack. Summore I don’t go ber-biking that often, a bit waste money lah.

So anyway ya, when I got there, my friends already setting up their bikes liao. So I fast-fast also set up my bike, wear my shoes, put on helmet. But… wei? How come my front wheel squeak wan ah? Like nguek nguek nguek sound. Not very loud lah, but not very healthy sound also. Eric said the bike’s brake clamps rubbing against the disc (huh?). Maybe go to Ah Leong’s place to get it tuned later.

We took different road leading to the reserve today, not bad also lah. Something like back-road, rather than following all the cars on the main road then only turn left somewhere inside-inside (dunno how to describe that turn off). Better also kwa, less danger of car banging me down before I even start ber-biking in the reserve.

Wahhhh… beginning of the road already mini uphill. Pedal… pedal… pedal… downshift gear… puff… puff… Ok lah, not so bad. Still can get up the small hill no problem. The other two chics with Eric doing quite well also, they first time go ber-biking can do so good already. I remember last time my first day off-road biking, almost died liao. End up pushing bike half the time. Cheh.

By the time get to the turn off from tar road into not tar road (haiya, off-road lah), my legs already tired a bit. If continue like this, maybe no need to go gym tomorrow. Pedal summore… nguek… nguek… nguek… eh, the sound getting damn irritating leh. Nemind, pedal faster, maybe sound cannot hear after that.

In half an hour we all reach that open area where got road going up Steroid Hill, Sungai Buloh, and some other place on the left. So? Want to go Sungai Buloh or not? Eric said, “Come, let’s go. Plenty of time left.” So we go lor. By that time my legs can feel tired already, but I kiasu a bit, so said go mai go lah.

Whee! Trail to Sungai Buloh a lot downhill one. Fly damn cow fast if you want to, but if not careful can skid and really fly also lah. Today I chicken a bit, jammed my breaks a lot because got fallen logs on trail, I scared langgar nanti then really fly like superwoman also not good leh.

After all of us were at the bottom of the downhill already, we rested for awhile. Going back uphill no joke, man. But like I said, today I damn gung-ho so I decided just kayuh all the way up only lah! Sure can do one. Cannot, then push bike lor. Rest enough already, we all start going back uphill.

Macho man went first, he damn power. Can pedal all the way up (or maybe he push also I dunno, since he faster than me, I cannot see if he cheat or not). I put the smallest gear (same concept like car) and started doing the hamster run. Not really run lah, but pedal fast-fast that look like hamster running only.

Puff… puff… wheeze! (Heavy breathing)… nguek… nguek… nguek… Aiyo, my thighs damn tired, very the pain already! Push lah, push lah! So… I got down and pushed. Haiya. Thought today can finish uphill but no power already. At least got cycle ¾ uphill quite good also. No more gung-ho after this. And definitely no need go gym tomorrow.

After finish uphill, we faster-faster go back ‘cos look like going to rain. Good timing also lah - when we got back to the car park, lepak a bit, drink coca-cola a bit, started to drizzle already. We - macho man, two chicks and a bimbo (that’s me) - did pretty well today, under 2 hours of torture.

Got go Ah Leong’s place to get my bike brake clamps tuned after that, but haiya, I saw some nice Shimano Visente eyewear for ber-biking, and nice Fox jersey too. Ooh! Bimbo a.k.a. shop-a-holic could not tahan. I had to get them!!! But haiya, didn’t bring my credit card out. (There was a reason why I didn’t, and now you know why.) But… but… haiya, I said to Ah Leong, you keep first, afterwards I come back to get from you ok? (Must go home and calculate budget. No budget also buy anyway.)

Now, 5 hours after ber-biking, my legs so damn tired man! Thighs like perpetually cramped, cannot walk for long, must always sit down, sit down already legs feel cramped so have to stand again. Summore tonight got dinner outside, drive manual car. Haiya.

Ok folks, this bimbo’s gotta go get ready already.

And buy the nice Shimano Visente and Fox jersey.

Yippee!

This isn’t a melancholic entry nor is it a funny one, but more of a reflective post of what’s on my mind for awhile. A lot of my friends have been through this, a lot of you have been through this, and at some point I have been through it too. Maybe some are still going through the motions. This isn’t anything new to read or discover about. Just decided to ramble about it today ‘cos I felt like it (and too bad if you don’t like it).What am I yakking about?

Love. Relationships. Or rather, the lack thereof.

Better known as “crash and burn”, or the broken-hearted.

In all aspects of our lives – our career, our wants, whatever it is that we need to get on with – they’re all controllable. The only thing we can’t control is love. Much as we all want to meet the right person, fall in love, marry and live happily ever after, it’s the only aspect that I can think of right now which isn’t under our single-handed control. Because it takes another person to make a relationship work as well. And that’s what frustrates us, when we fall for a person but it’s not reciprocal.

It’s strange, isn’t it.

We get excited, flustered, always waiting for the other party to respond, to acknowledge, to just notice us. And when nothing is returned, we feel dejected, find ourselves in the deep end of the pool, struggling to stay afloat, wondering if we should just let ourselves drown in our misery because we felt unwanted, unappreciated, unloved.

And what becomes of the broken-hearted?

Oh, the usual…

Depression sets in, crying in the most public places in some extreme cases, always wondering, “why doesn’t he / she care about me?”, or “could it have been better?” or “does he / she think of me still?” or the ever popular “is there still a chance to get back together again?” We sink into misery, coming out of it briefly for a bit of fresh air, but lapse back into despair within the hour, and the cycle repeats itself. Not forgetting the zombie days and sleepless nights, loss of appetite (or for some, comfort food), loss of interest in other things, mood swings, unfocused, even to the point where thoughts of suicide and death creep into mind. A little scary, but that’s the truth.

At times like these there are few things friends and family members could do. Words of comfort could be uttered, help in providing distractions, maybe an offer or two to beat up the other party to make us broken-hearted souls feel avenged. Some fare well with constant company of loved ones, and regular reassurance that it’s better off without the no-good scumbag anyway.

Sometimes though, the best way to help is… do nothing. By that I mean you could offer yourself up as a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on, but leave it as that. Sometimes that’s all we need to know – that someone is always there to help. And when we do need help, we’ll have to be brave enough to ask for it, and not feel silly for doing so, instead of self-imploding with all the emotions battling inside us for air.

Yes, we all know that we gotta get over it and move on. But heck, don’t keep repeating it to the death. Sometimes we just need the time and space to grief a little, wallow in self-pity and not have people repeatedly saying, “You’ll feel better soon”. Everyone knows that time is a healer. But that’s not what we want to hear right then during the grieving period. If we’re not ready to move on, we’re not ready.

Once the grieving period has passed – be it a few days, weeks, months, even years – things do get better. Life does go on. And well… maybe we’ll wear their heart on the sleeves once more. Maybe we’ll build a wall around them to protect ourselves from being hurt again. Different people, different reaction, different outcomes.

There’s always something to learn out of everything. To me, this is not about learning how to “crash and burn” better the next time. It’s not about being wary or on-guard about falling in love again. It’s not about choosing a better “target”.

It’s about accepting your sadness and your hurt. It’s learning how to pick up the pieces and stay sane while everyone else is happy around you. It’s learning how to accept the help of friends and family members, and that sometimes they understand you better than you do yourself.

It’s about believing that there’s always a silver lining behind every cloud.

And that there’s always hope.

Better to try than to always wonder why, kan?

Why do you exercise?

1. To be fitter and healthier
2. It makes your body look good
3. Everyone else is doing it
4. You’re bored and you need to fill your time with something
5. All of the above

I am #5. This morning I woke up at an ungodly hour and trudged to the gym just downstairs of the office building. I used to be able to do it with no problems, but after more than 3 weeks of ambling around without any activity that required my heart to pump at 151 beats per minute, it was almost a chore. Get up, you lazy fat arse!

When I reached the gym I realised I’d forgot to pack in a small gym towel. Haiya. Gotta look damn unglamorous with sweat dripping down my face later. I resorted to folding 4 pieces of 2-ply facial tissue together to do the mopping job, and pray that it doesn’t roll into little bits and cling onto my face, hair, etc.

So. Onto the treadmill I went. After 21:18 minutes of unceremonious running, my legs decided to protest and my lungs were… well, they weren’t really short of breath but they could use a break. Stop? Don’t stop? Ahhh… let’s not push it on the first day back! At least I got my little dose of endorphins that’ll help keep my brain comfortably numb for the rest of the day (and if they run out, just replace with coffee).

Time for a double-cheese toast and cappuccino…

Tee-hee!